| GOGOGOGO. |
[08 May 2006|06:45pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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New LiveJournal.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) suigenerisss
It's still under construction but whatevaah.
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| Assuage. |
[22 Apr 2006|09:17pm] |
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mood |
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 relieved |
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And everything is going to be just fine.
I am too lucky.
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| THIS BLOWS. |
[22 Apr 2006|01:47pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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I'd like to say I'm not miserable, but that would be a lie.
You know what hurts the absolute most? The fact that you don't even want to be friends. That you don't even want to talk anymore. Why don't you want to talk to me? Whywhywhy? There so many things that were left unsaid and I feel like you don't fully understand where I'm coming from with this. I care about you. A lot. And I still want to be friends. The last thing I want is for us to grow apart. MAN. WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING WHEN I WAS TALKING TO YOU THAT NIGHT IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE? IT WAS HARD ENOUGH AND THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL MADE IT EVEN WORSE. DO YOU THINK IT WAS EASY FOR ME? I HAD TO FORCE THE WORDS OUT OF MY MOUTH. AND YOU JUST SAT THERE. AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, YOU JUST UP AND LEFT. NO HUG GOOD-BYE OR ANYTHING. A NICE BIG DELIBERATE SLAP IN THE FACE. IT HURTS FOR ME TOO, YOU KNOW. I WAS DEVASTATED AND I STILL AM. I CRY CONSTANTLY BECAUSE I FEEL SO GUILTY FOR HURTING YOU. AND I FEEL SO SAD AND HURT AND ALONE. AND NOBODY CAN DO ANYTHING EXCEPT WATCH ME. YES, I STILL FEEL THAT THIS WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO, BUT IT'S JUST SO HARD, YOU KNOW? I KNOW THINGS WILL GET BETTER BUT RIGHT NOW, IT HURTS SO MUCH.
I know that there are a lot of people that are there for me. It's just that sometimes I can't force myself to talk to them. I just want someone to be here and hug me and tell me that things are going to be okay and that things will get better.
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| Finis. |
[20 Apr 2006|04:06pm] |
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mood |
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thankful |
] |
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| Refrainment. |
[08 Apr 2006|11:03pm] |
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mood |
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sick |
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I think I want to make a new livejournal. I just hope the name isn't taken already. Though it seems likely. I'm just too lazy to make it.
I don't like when you give a person chance after chance and they just continue to let you down because they're too ignorant and stupid to learn their lesson. Harsh, I know. But it's the truth. Thanks Icelee for always coming to my rescue and listening to my venting.
Well, we're in Spring Break. Tomorrow's already Sunday. Time flies when you're wasting away at home, I suppose. Friday night was pretty sick. It's nice to be around good people and have so much fun. I love my church.
My room is a freaking mess. Aklsjlkjsdf.
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| Armistice. |
[04 Apr 2006|06:15pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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This is a bulletin Christine posted. (:
PERI0D 0NE
-who sits in front of you? I sit in the very front.
-do you like this class? DUHH. "Worshington!"
-what class is it? English
-who's your teacher? Meyerrrr
-do u ever fall asleep in this period? Nope. I'd miss out on all the weird things Meyer says.
PERI0D TW0
-who sits to your left? I sit at the end of the row.
-are you failing this class? HECKS NAW. That would be freakin' impossible.
-what reminds you of 2nd period? I don't know. Spanish?
-who do you talk to the most? Danielle. Only because she sits to my right.
PERI0D THREE
-is your best friend in this class with you? Junemy's gay self is somewhere else. :D
-do you hate anyone in this class? YEAH. MICHAEL HIGHAM. (syke!)
-who's the teacher? Coach Mac
-what class iis this? Algebra
-do you eat in this class? Usually.
PERI0D F0UR
-who do you talk to? Dunno. It isn't much of a discussion-y class.
-do you chew gum in 4th period? I hardly chew gum because I never have any.
-anyone you want to shoot during 4th period? Occasionally.
-what class? History
PERI0D FIVE
-who sits in front of you? Emily or Monica. Our tables aren't exactly aligned correctly.
-do you like this class? Uhh. Not initially. But I love it now. Hi Shadalene, Osmond, and Louie. (:
-what class is it? Chemistry.
-who's your teacher? Mrs. Mehrdad.
-do u ever fall asleep in this period? And miss out on all the fun? I don't think so. "SHENIGANS!"
PERI0D SIX
-who sits to your left? Uh. The number to the left of mine is Rolei's.
-are you failing this class? I better not be. I'm one of the not-lazy ones.
-is this your favorite class? Ehh. I don't really have a favorite.
-what reminds you of 6th period? I don't know?
-who do you talk to the most? Shadalene, Icelee, and Emily. (:
Okay, I'm done because I really have to go peeeeeeeeee.
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| BRINKMANSHIP. |
[02 Apr 2006|09:00pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
] |
I'm listening to Death Cab's Photobooth 'cause it got into my head. I'm supposed to be doing History homework or Algebra homework but I don't feel like it all of a sudden. I'm pretty tired. I think I'll sleep early tonight.
I don't like my school anymore. Especially the people. Terribleterribleterrible. But saying that won't change anything so why do I even bother?
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| Bloc. |
[25 Mar 2006|03:05pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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My body is pretty sore. But! Tennis yesterday with Icelee and Kevin was fun. We're on for next Friday, and hopefully Adrian won't flake out on us again. That man who makes a funny noise everytime he hits the ball was there and Icelee had the pleasure of hearing him. Haha. (:
I went to church last night. It made me think about stuff. And I thought that I had made up my mind about something, but it seems that now I'm not so sure. I'd like to talk to someone about it to get some advice but I don't know who to go to. But please don't ask me about it. I'll come to you. I think I'm just going to wait until next week or something. I hate how I can't make decisions.
Anyway, church last night was really something. I can't even describe it. After church, Earl and I went to Mark's house where we ate churros and ice cream. Mm, diabetes!
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| Estranged. |
[21 Mar 2006|08:00pm] |
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mood |
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busy |
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We took the English section of the CAHSEE today. Sitting for 4 hours. It was pretty lame. And I didn't sit near anyone interesting. But only one more day left, and we're back to our regular schedule.
Okay, I'm having second thoughts on taking AP Biology next year. I don't want to stress over work. I really don't. Especially next year. So I'm thinking about taking advanced or something, and possibly taking AP Biology in my senior year. How's that sound? Man. I don't know. But it sounds better than killing myself everyday with work next year. And I think I want to take art instead of psychology. I need to talk to my counselor. Why is this so difficult? Is it really easy, and I'm just making it hard? Idon'tunderstaaaaaaaaand. I wish time would stop just so I could get my thoughts in order. Maybe if my motion is fast enough, time will slo-- SYKE. SCREW THAT, EINSTEIN.
Tennis on Friday with Icelee, Kevin, and possibly Emily? Sounds good. AND KEVIN, I WANT TO PLAY YOU BY MYSELF. You can talk the talk, but I sure would love to see you walk the walk. (:
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| Impregnable. |
[15 Mar 2006|04:53pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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It's funny how people manage to slip out of your life. You never notice until it's too late, and you're left remembering how you used to talk all the time. I hate when you see them again, and it's just...awkward. But I suppose you can't keep everyone, and it's all a part of growing up. It's just a shame that it's starting to happen now, and I'm actually noticing it. It's just that I don't know what to do about it. How sad.
I'm watching Arthur right now, which I haven't watched in ageessss. It's the episode where that dog gets pregnant, and Arthur gets Pal. Hm. I wonder who does the voice of Arthur. I don't think I'd really want to know. I get all weirded out. Just like when I found out that Lilo was voiced by that girl in The Ring. I don't know why it matters. But it does.
I was watching The Food Network (nerd) and there was a commercial about their new show, Chefography. To make the story short, Icelee has the same birthday as that Everyday Italian girl with the huge, creepy smile. :D Whatta coincidence.
Everyone's talking about RO Ball. If I was in RO and I was...a guy, I'd take Shadalene because she can't find a date. But afterschool, we were all talking to Therese about her going dress shopping and getting her nails done. It made me want to go to a dance. Jemuel, we're going to homecoming next year. Mmkay? Okay! (:
I wish I was sick all of the time only so I would have an excuse not to eat. Maybe then I'd be content with myself.
----PSPSPSPS! Uh, it was me and Jemuel's 1 year and 9 months on Sunday. Not that anyone really cares anymore except for me and him, but whatevaaa. (:
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| Insipid. |
[07 Mar 2006|09:35pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire came out on DVD today, and I'm sitting here like a fool. Must. Buy. Moooovie. :D
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| Effulgent. |
[04 Mar 2006|12:56pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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Adrian went to my house yesterday. Then we played tennis where I REDEEMED MYSELF AND WON. :D We'll see who wins next week.
I give girls a bad name because I can't catch a football. /)___________- I used to be able to! I'm ashamed. ASHAMED!
Church last night. Our caregroup is still in last place. But no worries. Anyway, next week's Purity Night so there won't be any X-Games. After church, we went to Jack in the Box, and then the Dela Cruz residence. We were supposed to watch Braveheart but nobody...had the movie. Earl, Adam, Mark, and Jojo played with puppets instead. I know it's sounds ridiculous but it was really funny. Theeeen, I went home around 3.
I hate when I can't find something. I lost my blue painter's tape, so I couldn't start a new painting. But I've got two weeks so I guess that's enough time.
My arm is sore. And I feel bad for my left arm because it doesn't do as much as my right. But I don't have the patience to become ambidextrous.
Okay. I have to shower and stuff because my family is going to Leizl's debut later. Have a good one, guys.
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| Vicissitude. |
[27 Feb 2006|09:27pm] |
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Adrian went to my house afterschool on Friday. Then we played tennis at the park. I lost, and I think he even went easy on me toward the end. /)_(\ But I think we're playing again this Friday where I WILL REDEEM MYSELF AND WIN. This guy that was playing next to us kept making this odd sort of coughing noise whenever he hit the ball. It was really distracting because it cracked me up.
Church on Friday night. Our caregroup's in 4th place but I'm hoping it's transient because we reeeally want to win this time. After church, IN N OUT and Jojo's house.
Saturday afternoon was a big piece of nothing because I got lazy and sucked into the trap that is called television. Hung out with Jemuel at night. It was..uh. Yeah. Let's just say that boys + video games = zzZzZZz. :D But I love Jemuel because he lets me sleep on his lap, among many other things. WE'RE STILL BAKING MUFFINS, BOY.
Sunday, church, then this buffet thing. That little girl that I was talking about, Ariel/Arielle, sat with me! I helped feed her and stuff. My goodness, she's so kl;jdflkjCUTE. After all the eating, Jewelyn and I went to this..craft painting..store..thing. I forgot what it was called. Then we went to Michael's (my first time ever). Went home, and did homework.
Articulation assembly today in 1st period. I WANT MORE ELECTIVES, DANGIT. Uh. 1st choice: Spanish 5,6 2nd choice: Human Psychology 3rd choice: Art 1,2. I'm not so sure about art and stuff and I'm so confused but that lady didn't really give us time to talk to her and aksljfksdjf. But we're seeing her again next week so I guess I shouldn't freak out. As for my AP classes, I'm probably just going to take AP US History and AP Biology. I wouldn't want to "AP myself to death" as the lady said. And she's right, it's pretty stupid because those tests cost alot, and you don't want to bite off more than you can chew just for an extra point in your GPA. Anyway. We didn't do much in Spanish and we have a math test tomorrow. In History, we had another one of those college talks. SCHOLARSHIPS!!!!!!!! Chemistry was ...chemistry. P.E. was fun. It kinda rained, and I was "stuck" with Shadalene, as she likes to put it. I really suck at tennis, and it makes me sad. I'm hoping to find an instructor over the summer so I don't get all lethargic and balloon up. :D And hopefull playing with Mique will help, too.
( Semester grades. )
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| Gelid! |
[21 Feb 2006|08:46pm] |
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I'm listening to The Killers. They remind me of Hawaii because that's all I listened to when I went there for like, a week or something. My fingers is frozen! :( We did poetry today, and I guess I feel better about it because we got our poems back and he didn't say anything bad about mine. He liked my poem on faith, except that it was too short, so I added more. I'm starting to get the hang of this. But I'm dreading having to read it in front of the class. I don't like speaking in front of large groups of people. At all. /)_(\
I think I'm going to watch Romeo and Juliet at Bell tomorrow night. We'll see how that goes.
On Saturday, I hung out with Shadalene. We went with her mom to her old workplace? and then to Fashion Valley. Robinson's May was having this we're-going-to-close-down-because-they're-making-a-Bloomingdale's-here sale. I doubt that's what it was called, but whatever. (: So we spent most of our time there. Then we bought Starbucks and ate fries. "CARBS!" Hahaha, ESPN. (; Shadalene's first encounter with Ruehl was quite memorable. I hate how they stand at the doorway; it's so intimidating! Like they're sizing you up or something. We went to this accessories store, and I bought a scarf. (: Uh, we went to Sephora, and oh! We went to Sun Diego, the land of great desire. I think we promised ourselves not to go back in there until we have jobs. But I highly doubt that. There's no harm in looking, right? But oh man, there was this super nice Ezekiel purse with a matching wallet. ): Yo quiero mucho. It'd probably cost around $70 for both. BUTINEEDAJOBFIRST. So yeeeah. After the mall, we went back to Shadalene's house. We watched In Good Company. AH, TOPHER GRACE. My goodness, he's adorable. And Scarlett Johansson is really pretty. The movie was. Uh. I don't know. I mean, I guess I liked it. But there was..something missing? Or too many things there? I don't know. Then we watched this thing on the Discovery Channel about birth and stuff. It made me not want children anymore. But yeah, we just watched television. Thanks, Shadalene. I had lots of fun. And we should do it again. Sit around, watching television and eating truffles. :D
Sunday, I went to church. After that, I went to Plaza with the guys. Spent 847435 hours at the food court, then spent 290958 hours at B. Dalton. But I bought gauges at Icing. FINALLY. I'm starting with 14's. They were a little hard to put in, but I got 'em in. But uh, after the mall, we went back to church.
Monday, we went to Admiral Baker something something. It was some sort of recreation center park thing. We ate, played "Up," played Mah-jongg, ate some more. Then me and Jewelyn were playing with these two sisters, and we each had our own. I had the younger one, she was 2, and her name's Ariel/Arielle. But I think they called her...AA? Or...Yeye? I'm not sure. She was so freakin' cute. She kept running around and sliding on the slides. It made me want to have kids. Butthatstupiddiscoverychannelthing. I remember we were walking past rocks, and she said, "I don't like you, rocks." Then we passed by it again, and I said, "Do you like rocks?" And she goes, "Yes." Then I saaaaid, "But I thought you didn't like rocks?" Then she says, "I do. I love you, rocks. Bye, rocks." Okay, so it doesn't sound as cute. But you should've been there 'cause it was just plain adorable.
Today, school was okay. I was really tired for some reason, even though I slept at 10. Whateverrrr.
( JEMUEL! )
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| Inauspicious. |
[18 Feb 2006|11:01am] |
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Okay, so no badminton for me this season. It's straight to plan B for me: studying my butt off and getting better at tennis. Congratulations to those who made it, and I hope you guys do well. But if someone ever decides to drop out, you know who to contact. SYKE! Forget that.
When I got home, I immediately started reading the Bible and praying. Being in God's presence is such a good feeling. You can't get that kind of comfort from anywhere else. No lie.
I went to church yesterday, and Mark showed me how to serve in badminton. I hope to play with him and Christian sometime, even though I didn't make the team. It's a fun sport when you're not being judged by people. We had the X-Games, and amazingly, our caregroup is still in first place. We're only up by 1,000 points, but first place is first place. For service, the boys and girls split up again. Auntie Joy was talking about keeping our minds pure. Afterwards, there was a car crash that resulted in a fire on the freeway next to our church so we had to stay inside because of the air. Eventually, I left with Mark, and we went to McDonald's, and then to Maryanne's. Maryanne, Charisma, and Richard were there, and they made Rice Krispy Treats. Mark likes to make fun of me and Maryanne. /)_- When Adam, Jojo, and Jay got there, we started the movie. It was an anime called Princess Manonoke? I don't really care much for anime, but I guess the movie was alright. We started it around 11, and I kept falling asleep on and off, as did everyone else. After the movie, we just talked about whatever. Then Mark dropped off Richard and I around 3 in the morning.
I think we're going camping on Sunday after church until Monday. Dun dun duuuun. I don't know if I want to go, but I probably will since I have nothing else to do.
I might hang out with Shadalene today, and I know that girl will lift my spirits.
Okay, have a good three-day weekend, guys. Enjoy it and don't procrastinate!
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| Pejorative. |
[14 Feb 2006|07:01pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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I'm really irritated, and I'm trying really hard not to do something irrational.
Aksajdfljsdfljasfdlsa;jdflkasf!
Anyway. When Coach G was taking attendance, she was talking about something called "muffin tops." Apparently, it's when a girl wears (low-rise) pants that are super-tight on her, and her fat sort of buldges out on the sides and kind of spills over, making it look like, well, a muffin top. Haha, I don't know. I thought it was funny.
I am slowly (and I mean slowly) improving at tennis. I've been playing at El Toyon pretty often, and I've been dragging Junemy with me. But I think it's only when I watch somebody else do it, that I learn how. I was having trouble hitting the ball properly. I have this proclivity of hitting the ball and making it go really high up, and hardly any of my hits were straight. But when I was at the park with Junemy on Sunday night, I saw this man. One of those 40-year-old-Filipino-dad types, and he was practicing his forehand on the wall. No matter how low the ball went, he still managed the hit it, and hit it perfectly. And I was standing there watching him, thinking, "Wuddaheeyylll?" But! I figured it out. And if there's one thing I can say to help someone at tennis it's to never forget to always swing back and follow through. I don't know why it matters that you follow through, but it works. And hey, why question a good thing?
Have you guys seen AAR's music video for "Move Along"? It's funny because you only see the rest of the band for like, .12341284 seconds, while the singer appears for the whole duration of the video. But I guess with a bone structure like Tyson Ritter's, who really cares. :D
Ah! Chemistry today was so fun. "If you want to destroy my sweateerrrrrr!" Me and Shadalene were really bored, and we were acting really dumb while singing Weezer songs. I guess that class ain't half bad after all. And we have a sub tomorrow. I hope Louie brings his cards so we can play some Hold 'Em or something.
Hi, Icelee. Thank you for always walking me to the front, and waiting with me because I know how much of an inconvenience that is for you. Love ya, babyguurl. And when are we going to Fashion Valley, HMMMMMMM? :D
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| Ineffable. |
[12 Feb 2006|12:38am] |
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mood |
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cold |
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So when are we getting our grades?
Things on my mind: History homework! Badminton tryouts on Saturday. Get a physical. Get better at tennis. Way better. Yay, God. My room's a mess. Jemueljemueljemuel!!! Camping next weekend?!? Johnny Whooooops! Badminton with Mark. Messy binder. Lose weight! Lots of it. More sleep. Be nice. Buy a new camera. Etc. Etc. Etc.
( 'Nothing that makes sense ever works out.' )
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| Abated. |
[07 Feb 2006|03:31pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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My stomach feels waaay better. And the mountain ranges on my forehead and chin (...my pimples) are starting to go away because I've been getting more sleep. Hurrah!
I still don't know what's up with the grades. Teachers are still trying to sort them out. But I'm giving myself a break. Chemistry is one heck of a class. My teacher's funny when she doesn't mean to be, which makes it even funnier. I still don't know if I have an A in that class though. But whatever. What. Ever.
What is with the weather? It looks like a nice day, but when you step outside, it's all humid and stuff.
Rachael Ray is obnoxiously adorable. It makes me laugh. She looks like she said the darnedest things when she was little. Actually, she still does. "Yum-O!"
Happy 16 years and 1 day, Tracy Pablo Mesina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D She visited me while I was half-asleep. I'm hoping. Well, it seemed too real to be a dream, and she was on my Caller-ID, so I guess she visited. It'd be pretty weird if she didn't.
So we're doing poetry with this guy from Border Voices in English this week. I don't mind reading poetry (I guess), but I am incapable of writing my own. Aalkdsfj! I was sitting there the whole time with a blank sheet of paper. I'm a failure as a poet. ;( But it's so difficult to have to convey so much in such a small amount of words.
A year and 8 months on Sunday? Boy, does time fly.
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| Trepidation. |
[03 Feb 2006|07:09pm] |
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mood |
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sick |
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The subjects of my entries used to be song lyrics. Then the last few entries, I stopped caring. Now, I think I'm going to do vocabulary words or just..words.
My stomach hurts. It's been hurting since Wednesday, and it hasn't stopped. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. I hope it's nothing bad. Erica told me that Ginang had stomach pain, then she had stomach cancer. I'm scared. So many possibilities. My appendix? Kidney stones? I don't even know how you pass kidney stones. Except that it's like giving birth, like that episode of Friends when Joey had them. Getting my appendix removed would be quite an experience. I've never had surgery before. But yeah. My stomach really hurts, and I hope it's nothing because I'm really not strong enough to face something like that.
Hi Adrian. I'm sorry we couldn't play today. You were right, and I'm too sick. But I am going to make it up to you, and we can play next week if you want. I don't like letting people down. And Brother, my phone's broken. I wanted to call you, but I didn't memorize your phone number. I am a dork sandwich.
Finals are over, and that's one thing I'm thankful for. I'm not too worried on how I did on them because most of my teachers are going pretty easy on us.
Somebody call my house tonight because I'm staying home, and I could really use the company.
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| It's too easy. |
[28 Jan 2006|08:35pm] |
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Friday afternoon/night, Junemy and I went to El Toyon. I was playing tennis on a brick wall, while she was practicing her pitches for softball. I really have to get better. And I want to get better. I get so pissed off when I see people doing things half-heartedly. You might as well not play if you're not going to give it your all. I have little patience for that crap. Seriously. So anyway, we were practicing, and I kept hitting the ball over the wall because that wall isn't high enough (and I'm making excuses). Then I helped Junemy practice softball. She was giving me pointers. It was cool. I batted while she pitched. She showed me how to hold the bat and how to...hit it. I was missing a grip in the beginning, but then I got used to it. But when I hit the ball, I wouldn't follow through with my swing. So when I did, I hit it really hard! It was crazy. And I almost hit Junemy, but she ducked. My babygurl's got good reflexes. 8) I think I hit her palm once, though. It was going to hit her stomach but she blocked it. Again I say, good reflexes. Haha. We played 'til it was dark, and we must do it again, 'kay Pantig? And if badminton doesn't go well this year, I may consider trying out for softball next year. :D After we dropped off Junemy, I showered and went to church. The X-Games have started, and Johnny Whoops is tied with TFC for 1st place. Isn't that cool? It kinda sucks for us because a lot of the freshmen and sophomores that go to my church don't go to caregroup. But I hope we get our act together so we can win this time. And we get the first-ever X-Cup. Anyway, after church, we went to IN N OUT. After all my exercise that day, I eat a burger and fries. Great going, Rach. But it was good stuff. Then we went to Jojo's house, and everyone played Super Smash Bros. Jojo's bed is really comfortable! It's crazy, and he has tons of pillows and blankets. I kept falling asleep and waking up. I went home around 4:30AM, I think. Thanks for the ride, Mark! And we'll play badminton soon, so that you can teach me how. :D
Today, I went to the San Diego Museum of Art with Junemy and Sheryll. Fun stuff, fun stuff. Then we ate lunch at the mall, and I bought a shirt at PacSun. I think I may have a shopping addiction. But it was Volcom and maroon and really nice and I just couldn't help myself. /)_- It was 2 for $30, so Sheryll and I each got a shirt. Sheryll, you owe me $16. (: OH! I saw these gray and maroon Etnies, and they were like, $40. I think I might get 'em. /)_(\ I need to buy some plain tees. I wish it was my birthday. But I don't want to discourage the I-Saw-This-And-Thought-Of-You gift because those are always welcome. :D The plain tees at Kid's Foot Locker was 5 for $15 but they didn't have any black ones, and I...didn't have enough money.
It's funny how people complain about their grades when it's their own fault. Always complaining and making excuses for the situation that they put themselves in. I used to be like that. Wasting time complaining about how screwed I was, how much I procrastinate, how stupid I was. Then I actually shut myself up, and did something about it. Sure, my grades aren't ideal. But I worked hard, and I earned them. You have no idea how satisfying that is. I know what it's like to procrastinate, and beat yourself up for it. But then I thought about the things I did instead of homework or studying. Signing on AIM, going on LiveJournal/Xanga/MySpace, and even...Neopets (Hahah). I realized how pointless all of it was. I haven't been on AIM in like, weeks. It's not like I talked to anybody anyway. I just signed on, constantly checking infos that never changed, being on away 95% of the time. How lame is that? You might as well not sign on, right? Well, that's what I realized, so I don't do it anymore. Big waste of time, if you ask me. Then the time I would've spent on the computer, I spent it studying or doing homework. Trying to get ahead, not get by. And it all works out perfectly because the earlier I'm done with my work, the earlier I sleep, and the better I feel the next day. I've also been trying to be a lot more active in class. During discussions, I participate more, because it seems like if I do, I understand what we're learning a lot better as opposed to just sitting back and watching everything happen, like I used to do.
Taking advantage of the classes that you have, and the opportunities that you're given. I think it's stupid to leave Seminar or honors or whatever type of class just because it's "hard." Most of the time, it isn't that difficult, and you're just being lazy. Because it's too easy to blame the teacher or the work for the grades you're receiving. Think about it. If you had studied, or done the work when you could've, your grade would be so much higher than it is. I remember I used to be like that in Chemistry. Always blaming my low grade on Mrs. Mehrdad. How she couldn't teach and how I couldn't understand a thing she said. Then I cut the crap, and actually started to put forth an honest effort to do well. And yes, she is still difficult to understand, but it's not that difficult to try and get past that. And we went a couple of months without graded work or turning anything in, so when she assigned us homework one time, a lot of people didn't do it, and their grades went down a great deal. I know that it's really lame for her to do that because of the significant decrease in percentage. But I mean, if I can take the time to do it, why can't you? Well, yeah. I get really irritated when people are willing to dumb themselves down just because things are "too hard." Quit your bellyaching and actually try for once.
I don't know. It seems like the fact that I try hard, and I'm reaping what I sow, people are irritated. I don't know how accurate that assumption is. But it feels like when I participate in class, people give each other looks, or I don't know. I just have this feeling that it's happening. I feel so alone in English, and I don't know why. I don't know if I'm just being paranoid, or if people are really acting that way. If they are, then that's a shame. I remember when people would do better than I did, I'd say, "Uuggghh," to them, and I'd be kidding. You know? When you feign anger or irritation at them. But people did that to me, and I didn't like it. So when people do well, I congratulate them, because they worked hard for the grade they received, and they deserve the praise.
Okay, I'm not updating this until finals are over because I've gotta stuuuddyyyyy. I should be going over Julius Caesar right now, but instead I made this entry. Hey, just because I'm starting to do better in school doesn't mean I've got procrastination out of my system. And we have to take notes on a little over 20 pages in our History book. Oh, and I have to take a looot of notes for Chemistry because Mehrdad let us have an open-note final out of pity. Thank goodness!
Eep! I'm shooting for a 4.0 this semester, and I think I just may get it. Possibly a 4.1, but I don't want to get my hopes up. I think I'm going to fail the P.E. final because we have to run the mile and I'm fat and slow. :( I'm trying to be more active though. And from last August up 'til now, I've lost like, 12 pounds. I know it's not that big of a number, but I'm trying so that it will be. I wish I could run five milles a day like Mal. But a) I'd probably die and b) it's hard to stay motivated when you're doing this all by yourself. Somebody do this with me!
Wow, this is long. But! NO UPDATES UNTIL AFTER FINALS. Wish me luck! 'Kay, bye.
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